I don’t owe you an explanation

I’ve been away awhile. Not anywhere particular, I just had to step back from life and focus on myself and my family and by family I mean my man and my girl.

See things have been hard. (I bet you’re sick of hearing that) I’ve gone through some tough points of my life and currently I’m doing everything I can to find my feet and work out my life.

In one year I had been spiked, assaulted, fell into a pit of depression, faced my eating disorder again, faced my attacker, twice, miscarried twice and found out I was pregnant for a third time. I had six months off work, changed jobs and fought the health care system untill they gave me the help I needed. And at the same time I supported my man through uni so he could start his career and raised a toddler who’s fierce and independent.

All of this is difficult to discuss. It’s hard to admit and I struggle with it all daily.

So when people take offense that they didn’t get a personal sit down interview with me to discuss these traumas and to share the news that we are five month pregnant it’s a little insulting. The fact that people can read the above and think only of themselves and question why they didn’t get a one on one reveal tells me they care more about their own thoughts and reputation more than they do me.

For anyone trying to recover from any kind of trauma it’s a difficult process. We do what we can to survive. We reveal things in a way that helps us most and we often are too embarrassed by what we have lived through to discuss these things face to face. I still can’t even look Scott in the face when talking through things, let alone every friend and relative.

If you want to know what’s going on in a person’s life, make time for them. Call them, go to their house or invite them to meet you in a place you know they love. Make time for those you care about. Don’t just believe you are entitled to information on their lives because you share a gene line or friends group.

I’m an open book, I’ll talk about anything because I believe the more we talk the more we heal. The more honest we are the more lives we can save. Just don’t expect me to come to you with my latest new bulletin when you don’t have the time to hold me as I sob on my couch.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for not disclosing something that you do not want to discuss. (I mean unless it’s legal disclosure, don’t lie about that) Its you life, if they care, they’ll appreciate you and your journey no matter what.

Take care of you,

Love and hugs,

Hayleigh xo

Photo by Chris Hart

Quote image Steve Maraboli

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