Being happy as me.

Something I’m still struggling with is finding true happiness in my own skin. It’s something I am working on most days but I know I could do better at it. It’s something I want for myself but equally, I want for my daughter. I want to be happy, confident and comfortable as the person I am without question. And I want my daughter to grow up in a house where it’s normal to love yourself as unconditionally as you do your family.

This is why I refuse to discuss my insecurities around my girl. Not only is it damaging for my own progress and counterproductive against all I’m trying to achieve. But it’s those small statements about a podgy tummy, skeletal frame or not being enough that stick with a person. It’s being told fat is bad that sends negative messages. Equally telling people that a level of thin is bad and not beautiful is just as dreadful. So long as your body is functioning as it should, that you are healthy and above all happy in your skin then there is no reason you should change anything about yourself.

Still we are suffocating under messages of ‘you are what you eat’ ‘thats bad for you’ ‘thats not enough food for a meal’ sold weight loss supplements, clubs, tips and tricks, but not helped sufficiently when we go too far the other way. We are told that certain clothing is for certain sizes. You can’t go to an indulgent restaurant if you are above a certain weight and you can’t go to the gym if you are under a particular size. The answer to struggling with food we are given is to ‘just eat’ or ‘stop eating so much’ we all live in this society where we are all struggling with some part of our body image at some stage of our lives yet everyone feels they have the right to comment on others about the very same things that would reduce them to tears did anyone say the same about them.

It’s not your body. It’s not your life. You don’t get a say!

Unless you are worried about someone’s health – like genuinely worried, not just saying you are worried so you can give unsolicited advice – or you are concerned about a person hurting themselves or those around you, just let people live their lives their way. There’s enough hurt and badness in the world, don’t add to that.

I’m in the part of my recovery where I’m beginning to see my worth. I’ve realised I have to do this for myself as much as I’m healing for my family. I’m beginning to understand that I don’t have to punish myself for things that happen in life. I cannot control everything and sometimes letting go of that means a whole lot more fun and excitement in life. I’m seeing that I have more ability than I’ve given myself credit for and that I deserve the things I want in life so long as I’m willing to work for them.

Something we all need to realise.

So here’s to everyone fighting the good fight, to those trying to be kinder to those around them and to everyone learning to love themselves.

Take care of you,

Love and hugs,

Hayleigh xo

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