It’s been a stupidly long and hard few weeks. I’ve had next to no sleep. I’ve been run off my feet. I’m not sure where in the hell my mind has been. I’m so disconnected I can’t quite remember how to plug myself back in.
I’m currently sitting in bed, tears down my face not entirely sure what to do. Scott is at work, baby is playing with my pile of bed books. You know those kind of books you keep at the side of the bed to kid yourself you’ll get through but seldom finish.
I feel as though I’ve forgotten how to exhale.
The thing is, she hasn’t been all that bad. It’s the typical tantrums you can grow to expect at this stage, mixed with all the teething trouble we’ve been hit with all at once (eight teeth in less than a month) my sleep is the big issue. Yes she’s up and down a bit and ends up in with us on the odd nights, that’s nothing new though. Of late I’m up before anyone else regardless to what might be going on. I’m the last down and first up most days. And that is really the root of it all. My moods low due to it all and if I’m honest I can’t be bothered doing anything. I I half feel I need a few days to be alone, binge watch TV and snack. Though in reality, know i’d crack after a few hours needing my two humans back with me.
It’s just bloody tough right now. I’m exhausted. She’s crabby and clingy. I can’t focus on very much at once without having a melt down. She’s relentlessly trashing the house in a mix of independence, curiosity and frustration. I’m letting her because I don’t have the energy to fight it. She’s losing it if you help her with anything and making this god awful noise that can only be described as a dying teredactal. I’m looking for any excuse hide in a box somewhere and just find complete silence. Whilst she is craving attention and reassurance, but not too much as she can do it herself.
I know it’s not a forever stage. I know it’ll pass, just as each other ghastly stage did. However that thought isn’t helping me much right now, because living it is bloody hard sometimes. She’s always been a good kid, that’s what makes days like this so difficult. Because we don’t normally deal with it, we therefore don’t entirely know how to handle it.
Like I’ve said before, this parenting thing … it’s not all cute. BUT remember you are killing it, and you’ve got this! Here’s to a better and less hectic tomorrow.
Love and hugs,