If I’m honest it all went by in a bit or a haze. I slept lots. There weren’t many days I didn’t go for some kind of nap, be it twenty minutes or three hours. I pretty much crashed out at any given opportunity. Usually on the couch, and always right by the baby. Wherever she was I was. Her basket went where I did. I didn’t take my eyes off of her. Trips to the bathroom took seconds, showers lasted a minuet and I was practically glued to her 24/7.
Too many peole visited. I mean I was truly greatful for all the help, gifts, love and support that poured in around us. I’ve just always been introverted to an extent. I love playing hostess, having people over for dinner, having company over for movie nights, parties, start of a new season parties. But that was always on my terms. Once we had the wee one that changed. I felt obligated to let everyone visit. They were bringing gifts and shopping and dinner after all. When they came they did the dishes, put on a wash, hoovered for goodness sake. How could I refuse these generous and helpfully people a visit to see the baby? I realised quickly that if we wanted a down day we were allowed to say no. After all it was a huge change for us too and we had to get to know our new arrival aswell.
I cried alot. I had so many emotions. I used to give the ice queen herself a run for her money and suddenly I was a melted heap of tears. I was so overwhelmed with everything. The feeling of love I suddenly experienced. The kindness that swarmed around us. The suddenness of change. In less than 24 hours we had gone from the terrible two to the three amigos and it was so instant. The sore nipples were in a league of their own. I was over wearing nappies. And on top of that I couldn’t cope with feeling weak. I wasnt ready for how little I’d be able to do in comparison to what I was used to. There’s alot going on in those first few hours never mind the first few weeks.
I was sick of heath professionals. Not that they did anything wrong or that I had an unpleasant experience. I just wanted them to let me and my little family get on with it. Maybe it’s because I had so many other guests at that point but I just felt like there was no escaping nurses. You go through 9 months of belly prods, tape measures and not so cute questions. You go through as many hours as it takes to deliver of the same thing with a few sneaky extra prods to your genitals – Oh and after baby there’s the placenta, no one tells you about that – then on the ward you’ll have a few more professionals prodding you (and now baby) and just when you think you’ve escaped the excessive prodding, they follow you home. I get it, it’s for our health, but that didn’t mean i wasn’t over it.
There’s still alot I don’t fully remember there was so much to think about in those first few weeks I really just focused on the important parts. Like her first bath. The first clothes to fit her. What each cry ment. Her smell. I made sure we had stillness for the three of us to properly meet eachother. We had skin to skin and showers together. And we watched the extended directors cuts of the lord of the rings.
Love and hugs,