Okay so I’ve gone out plenty of times now. I’ve been phasing back work gradually and I’ve been doing princessing, with the odd few hours of driving lessons. I’ve done it many times now and baby and I have both survived without a problem. I’ve gone out, done my thing, come home and baby’s still doing well. (To be fair I hardly think she notices)
It’s completely different though to that first day you go out to do something as an adult with other adults that’s not your family or partner.
See when I go to work Scott pops by on my lunch break so I can get a cuddle and feed her if required. When I’m out learning to drive I’m away no more than two hours, then it’s back to our usual routine. When I’m princessing I’m away a maximum of four hours and most of that time is spent going crazy in a room full of sugar fuled kids so you’re distracted from worrying.
Scott and I have had a few date nights, again only away for a few hours but having him there helps me feel okay about going out and leaving the baby at home (she has a sitter, please don’t call childline)
That first time you go out alone though to do something with friends leaves you with an overwhelming feeling of guilt.
I know she’s safe. I know she’s well cared for. I know she’s being looked after. I know she has a days worth of milk in the fridge I’ve slaved to build. But I cannot help feeling like the worst person in the world for going away and leaving her whilst I get pampered and have a few drinks.
As always I came home to wonderful smiles and cuddles and she was just as happy and healthy as she was when I left. So why do we feel so bad for taking some time to look after ourselves? Why do we beat ourselves up for getting that adult company that saves our sanity?
I had a lovely day catching up with people I haven’t seen in an age, I got my nails done and had a few drinks with some friends. Yet the whole time all I could think was ‘ive left my baby to sit in a salon then get drunk’
In reality she was out with her dad and grandparents for the day and I’d gone to a friend’s hen party. I hadn’t locked her in a room alone so I could go get drunk. I’d gone to do something perfectly normal whilst she got some quality time with family.
I realised though that having that time just me. No Scott. No baby. No one to worry about, is needed sometimes. I need that time to recharge. I need that time to revisit me. Having even once a month time to myself to go buy a book, to get my eyebrows done or to simply drink a warm cup of coffee and enjoy a slice of cake without perfect little chubby baby hands stealing it from my plate.
I need that time to recharge, be with me and find that place of quiet. If I’m happy relaxed and taking care of me. Then I’m I’m in a better place to keep baby happy and look after her.
And so do you mama.
Love and hugs,